All I ever wanted...

As I sit here and think about Mother's Day coming up on Sunday, I think about my own mom.  Let me tell you all about her.

When my mom and dad were married in 1964 my mom was told she could not have kids because she had always been sick and it would be dangerous for her.  In 1964, she gave birth to my brother against the advice of her doctors.

When my brother was 2 they resubmitted adoption papers in the hope of getting another child.  5 years later, on their 11th wedding anniversary, my parents and brother picked me up from the foster home that my biological mother had placed me in for the first 5 weeks of my life.

My mom did not carry me for 9 months or experience the pain of birth with me, but she is my mom.  I don't look like her but I am very much like her in so many ways.  She has been there every day of my life, cleaned my scraped knees, volunteered in my classroom, wiped my tears and told me she loved me in every way possible!  I never questioned that she was my mom, never ever ever.  I remember her telling me that parents are people who love you and take care of you even if they didn't give birth to you.  

Sooooo...all I ever wanted in my life was to be a mom.  This has been a feeling inside of me for as long as I can remember.  I wanted someone in my life who looked like me and had some of my personality.  I wanted to feel that love that I feel when I look at my mom.

In December 2005 I gave birth to the most beautiful boy, William George Joseph Reid.  I instantly fell in love with him and began the journey that continues today, the journey of having a child with Down syndrome.  God chose me to be Liam's mom and I am so very proud to walk beside him on his life's journey.

In March 2008, I gave birth to the most beautiful little girl, Evalyn aalish Reid.  She has filled my life with rainbows and dolls and she talks non stop, just like me.  I am certainly getting a taste of what my parents dealt with when I was little!  I love  her so much sometimes it hurts.  

I am so unbelievably blessed to have these two very different, very amazing children.  My life is full, full of love, laughter and learning!

Happy Mother's Day to all of you who are blessed like me.  No matter how you become a mom, wear it like a badge of honor because it is!!

Happy Mother's Day!!

Reflections

Well it is that time of year again, the time to reflect on the year that has passed.  I find this time of the year particularly emotional as it is Liam's birthday, my anniversary, Christmas and New Years all in the span of two short weeks.
I am going to start with my family.  It has been a great year all around.  The kids and myself spent 8 glorious weeks at my in-laws cottage but the difference this year is that we had our very own, brand new, beautiful two bedroom trailer on the property.  A place of our own to retreat to and spend time as a family.  The kids did amazing adjusting to the trailer.  They had a room of their own where they could sleep and play and they actually slept!!  We swam and played at the beach and spent time with both sets of grandparents and all of the cousins!!  It was an amazing summer for sure.  Rob joined us every weekend and had two weeks of vacation as well.  We had some really great times all together!
Liam started school at Our Lady of Fatima in Milton in September and that was a huge adjustment for everyone!  The school and his teacher have been absolutely amazing and I am thankful that so far we are really happy with his education.  Eva started at the Montessori School of Milton and she has been doing amazing.  The things she has learned is beyond my comprehension sometimes.  She is writing words and singing songs and adding and subtracting and learning about different things like Australia.  She also had an adjustment period as she left all of her friends at Collegeside Childcare Center.  She has made some new friends and in September she will begin JK at Our Lady of Fatima as well and she will be back with her 'buddy' Liam!
Rob continues to be my biggest supporter and best friend and someone who I turn to when I need to vent.  He has been hard at work over the past couple of months doing all kinds of handy things.  He closed up the trailer for the winter, installed our new dishwasher, we painted our laundry room and he put in cabinets and a countertop and our next project is our powder room.  It feels like after three and a half years we are starting to make our house into our home!
As for me, I decided to start making some changes in my life at the end of August, right after celebrating my 36th birthday.  I pulled out my running shoes and decided to start to run again after not running for almost 7 years.  I need to be healthy for myself, my kids and my husband because they need me around for a long time to come (trust me...they NEED me!!!).  I started running on August 25th and since then I have lost almost 20 pounds and I run between 3 and 6 km at least 5 times a week.  I also do weights and rowing and sit ups and push ups.  I am really proud of myself and this past weekend I bought a brand new pair of size 8 skinny jeans which look amazing!  I ran my first race on October 21st with my friend Barbara Graydon.  It was so much fun.  My goal for the race was to finish it and not to worry about my time.  As it was, I finished in 35:53 which was my best time of any race I had run in the past.  I am looking forward to more races in the future and my goal is to be able to run a 10K by next August!  I am also taking a Journey of Faith and I am becoming Catholic.  The RCIA program started at the end of September and goes until the end of May.  It has so far been an emotional and amazing experience and I have learned alot.  It feels nice to belong to a faith based community and I know that this is not for everyone but I have found it extremely enlightening.

I am looking forward to celebrating Liam's 6th birthday and my 7th wedding anniversary.  It is an emotional time of year for me but I know that when we put up those christmas decorations next weekend as a family I will be filled with love for them and proud to be working beside them!  I wonder what the next year has in store for the Reid family?

6 years ago...

6 years ago today I married my best friend, Rob. It was a gloriously beautiful day topped off by a full blown snow storm in Parry Sound! My sister-in-law went into labour the morning of our wedding but still manages to make it, even in labour! We had a super small wedding in a restaurant called the Log Cabin, fully decorated for Christmas. We only invited our families, a total of 24 people. We cut out most of Rob's extended family because it is so large.
It was one of the most wonderful days of my life although it seems like it was a lifetime ago. If he asked me again I would marry him in a heartbeat. Rob is my best friend and husband and the father of my beautiful children. We have our ups and downs just like any married couple does but at the end of the day we love each other more than anything!
Happy 6th Anniversay Rob, I can' wait to celebrate many more with you!

All the emotions

This time of year is extremely hard for me. We celebrate birthdays, anniversaries,Christmas and New Years and still I feel this heaviness in my heart. I am not sure that it will ever go away. 5 years ago yesterday I gave birth to the most special boy, from that day forward I have loved him more than anything and I gaze at him with wonderment at the boy that he has become. this doesn't take away the feelings of sadness and anxiety that I felt when we were faced with the reality that he had Down syndrome. Everyone always looks at me and says "look at him he is doing amazing" and I know this is true but it has nothing to do with Liam and who he is it has to do with unresolved feelings from that time.
It all started with Liam being jaundiced and the doctor telling us that he had to go under double phototherapy for a couple of days. A few hours later a geneticist comes to tell us that they are taking his blood to do some genetic testing. I don't remember a lot of this conversation but I do remember her telling us that we would not likely hear from the hospital as he had very few signs of Down syndrome.
So much went on from that day until we got the actual diagnosis I think that I actually just went numb. I celebrated my first wedding anniversary in the hospital while my little boy was having phototherapy. We finally arrived home in the afternoon on Christmas Eve and now when I look back at pictures of that time I feel so sad because I look so vacant and so sad.
I need to explain that I am not sad because Liam has Down syndrome but the memories of how i felt waiting for that news makes me sad. I find that this is the time of the year where I will spontaneously begin to cry and my mind is always so far away.
I am proud of Liam and all that he has accomplished. I think he is absolutely amazing. He is loving, sweet, bright, friendly, happy and very talented. I couldn't have asked for a more special boy. I still have no idea what the future holds for him but I know that as a family we will deal with anything.
Every year at this time I relive those emotions and I hope that one day they won't seem so fresh but I know they will always be there.
No matter what the thing thing that I will remember the most is holding my brand new baby in my arms knowing he was the most beautiful baby ever and nothing will ever make those memories go away.
Happy birthday baby bear, I love you sooooooo much!!!

Down syndrome Awareness Week

This week, November 1 to 7, is Down syndrome Awareness week.  This is the time that we take to reflect on how our lives have changed because of someone that we know that has Down syndrome.  I have written a short acrostic poem that sums up some of the words that come to mind when I think of Down syndrome. 

Differences
One of a kind
Wonderfully loving
No regrets

Special people
Young and old
Never underestimate
Dreams
Rare
One more chromosome
More typical than different
Excellent hugs

Dear Liam,
You are a special light in all of our lives.  You touch everyone that you meet.  I wouldn't change you for the world.  I hope you always know how much your family loves and appreciates your differences.  Life with  you is never boring!
Love Mommy

One of those days

I should be sleeping right now but I am afraid to close my eyes. Like if I shut them something else bad will happen to Liam and I think he has been through enough for one day. Daddy took him to the park and that is where the drama begins. I answer the phone to Rob yelling to come and get him because Liam has fallen and he thinks his arm may be broken, all I can hear in the background is Liam screaming. I race upstairs and yank Eva from her nap, throw her coat and shoes on and get her in the car. We pick Liam and Rob up on the street, he is carrying a crying Liam in his arms. We head to Milton hospital. They take him right in, xray him and tell us that he will need to be taken to a children's hospital where they will likely do surgery. Liam fell off the playground equipment from a height of about 5.5 to 6 feet onto his arm and back. He has fractured his elbow and will need surgery to fix it. Sick kids in Toronto call and say that they can take him so we get Liam in the car and Eva too and head down there where my sister in law will meet us and take Eva home with her. Thank goodness for family. I would just like to point out that Liam has not cried since they stabalized his arm with a splint at Milton hospital, he is very mellow and quiet and obviously exhausted. At one point at Milton hospital he turns to me and says "been a long day mommy" right you are Liam! We meet the doctors at Sick Kids and they confirm that he will need surgery and that they can do it right away. I am petrified but am keeping strong. Liam keeps telling us that he "feel better mommy, go home now" and I so wish I could take him home. We head up to the OR with him and then comes the worst time ever when with tears in my eyes I say goodbye to him right before they wheel him away. Rob and I hold each other and cry a little then head to the waiting room to wait. 2 hours later he is in the recovery room and he is doing well. Right now I am watching him sleep peacefully and I am hoping that the morphine will keep the pain away for awhile so he can get the healing rest his body needs. I always hope this is our last visit to the hospital but right now I am thankful that we have the wonderful hospitals that we do because they truly helped my family today, and that is greatly appreciated. Sleep well little bear, tomorrow is a new day...

Another rainy day

When you think about motherhood you don't ever think about the boring, endless rainy days.  We're on our second running of Sesame Street's All Star Alphabet at Liam's request and I am thinking to myself that my children are going to fail at life because they have spent the past few hours sitting in front of the boob tube.  I hate rainy days!  Liam has now completely stripped himself and is running around the house naked...it's going to be a long evening unless I can find something to do to occupy their little minds!